Nemo

The farm is filled with rejects: the infertile goat, the pushy little pig, the discarded chicken, cats that wheeze, dogs with bad legs, bad eyes and bad tummies. One of our most loved and interesting creatures was another farm reject named: Nemo.

Nemo is a goldfish who lived with his best friend Spice in a fifty gallon tank in my living room. I feed the fish and watch them swim. I listen to the water falling from the filter and find myself relaxing. I like having the goldfish, the kids who visit the farm are always fascinated and the adults can't help but comment on Nemo.

Several years ago we noticed Nemo wasn't swimming very well and over the next few weeks he stopped growing on the one side of his body. The left side fin was half the size of his right side fin and Nemo was swimming in circles. My family and friends kept telling me this fish was going to be dead any day, but they seemed to admire his determination to survive. People would ask me if Nemo was still alive and for years I was able to offer them a happy affirmative.

The average lifespan of a goldfish living in a heated indoor aquarium is about 5-10 years, and little broken Nemo made the five year mark before he finally died on July 14, 2010.

Nemo was a simple fish who compelled us to think about internal strife and courage. He inspired fascination, interest, curiosity and speculation. Nemo made people think about life, struggle and success. In his own special fishy way Nemo made people feel good.

Spice is swimming around her tank, but you can tell her heart isn't into the movement. She's a little tired and she keeps returning to the spot where Nemo finally settled. Eventually, she'll move forward, but like all difficult losses the only thing that helps is time.

Part of the problem with surrounding myself with so many heartbeats is their lifespan tends to be much less than mine, but the grief I feel at their loss is worth every happy day and happy smile. Each time I lose one of my beloved animals I create a little place for them in my heart and mind providing them with all the things they loved. I get to picture them happy and healthy surrounded by everything that brought them joy.

I picture Nemo swimming in crystal clear waters surrounded by live plants where the food is plentiful, the company is friendly and the filtration system is top notch.

Happy swimming Nemo, we'll miss you.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.  Arnold Schwarzenegger